Your Choices Determine Your Happiness

The quality of our lives is determined by the choices we make: which career path we take, which partner we choose, the lifestyle we embrace. Just as you have the responsibility and the power to make choices about your wardrobe, your relationships or the car you drive, you have the same responsibility and power to choose your attitude and approach to life.

I learned my first lesson in the power of choosing attitude on my first day of school. It may seem strange, considering that I make my living as a professional speaker, but I was a stutterer for most of my childhood. Until I reached school age, it never seemed to be a problem. My family always assured me that I would grow out of it. My mother and grandmother always reminded me about my uncle who'd stuttered as a child, lost it as an adolescent, and become a respected college professor. They'd tell me that I stuttered only because "your brain is working faster than your mouth."

I never thought of it as a negative until my first day of kindergarten. I was so excited to be around the other kids and to find a desk in the front row with my name on it. Miss Peterson was a very positive, dynamic woman who glowed with energy and enthusiasm. She told us right off that she thought we were going to be the best class in the school. Then she started to go around the room asking us to say our names so everyone could get to know each other. She asked me to go first. I jumped up. Turned and faced my new classmates and started stuttering terribly because I was so excited. "My, my, my-my-my-m-m..."

I'll never forget the girl with pigtails in the back of the room. She jumped up and said, "He can't talk. He stutters." Everyone laughed.Then the boy next to me looked at me and said, "You're too tall. You shouldn't be in our room." The kids all giggled.

I was hurt, of course. I wanted my mom. I had never felt that kind of pain. I kept repeating those negative inputs. You're too tall. You can't talk. You shouldn't be here. That feeling of "not belonging" is a terrible one, whether you are a kid in kindergarten or an adult in a corporate office. Do you remember the book Everything I Know I Learned in Kindergarten? That's me. I learned about rejection. I learned that people can say things that hurt you. And, thanks to my mother, I learned that you can choose to not be hurt or rejected.

The voices of my classmates got louder and louder inside my head. Later in life, I learned that the strongest and most destructive voice is your own. It was true in this instance. While the teacher and my classmates went about the first day of school, I sat there talking to myself and telling myself that I didn't belong in school. I'm too tall. I can't talk. I want to go home. I laid low until our first recess. Then I bolted.

I ran home. We lived two miles away. I took one breath the whole way. I set the world speed record from kindergarten to the front porch. As fast as I ran, Miss Peterson was faster. My mom was hanging up the phone when I hit the porch. I ran into her arms and she gave me a world-class hug. It was the hug of a lifetime. I can still feel that hug.

I remember looking up at my mom and saying, "I'm too tall. I can't talk. I don't fit."

"Miss Peterson told me what happened," she said. "There is good news."

Good news? I stopped crying. What good news could there be? No more kindergarten? Home-schooling with Miss Peterson?

"The good news is that you tried. I'm proud of you for that. My little man tried and even though you are not able to say your name as well as you would like, that's OK." This is going to be a challenge but I'm convinced that if we work hard, one day, and I do mean one day, all the kids will listen when you say your name loud and clear. Son, don't ever forget that you are special."

My mom effectively supplanted the negative messages I'd heard from my classmates with a far more positive message. When I ran away from school it was because my inner voice had been repeating their words: You're too tall. You talk funny. You don't belong.

I went back to school with my mom's words on my inner tape recorder: I'm not different, I'm special. I can learn to talk without a stutter and then they will understand.

Suddenly, I wasn't speech-impaired. I was working on a challenge. Again, the reality had not changed; I still stuttered. But my perception of my speech impediment had changed. Another paradigm shifted, a new attitude created. And that attitude changed everything. I had a new weapon against the teasing and the mocking. I had a new attitude.

My mother taught me then and there that attitude is a choice. When I told her I couldn't go back to school, she listened and understood what was contributing to that negative attitude. She was able to listen to the pain that fueled my fears and humiliation. She then gave me the opportunity to choose a new attitude.

You have a choice. You can accept an attitude of humiliation and fear or you can take on an attitude of action. You can be a victim or a victor. You can let life run you over or you can take it on!

She showed me a way out of fear and humiliation. That's when we went back and got very clear on some things we had to do. She gave me insight and inspiration. She showed me that even as a small, insecure boy, I had the power to choose a better way.

I'm not going to tell you that I didn't backslide from time to time. I took speech lessons for six years and I used to lie about why I was getting out of regular class to go somewhere else. I had my days of attitudinal backsliding, anger, rejection and embarrassment. But I never forgot the lesson communicated in my mother's hug and her words of encouragement: You are special. You can choose not to be hurt or discouraged. You can choose a positive attitude over a negative attitude. And you can overcome this challenge.

What negative messages do you repeatedly tell yourself?
What positive messages can you adopt to replace any negative ones?

Keith Harrell, Success Magazine

Priority Balance: The Things That Matter

Conceptually, priorities are simple, even obvious. We should know what is important to us, and we should spend our time and thoughts on the high priorities rather than the low ones.

But in reality, in the day-to-day, it is not so simple. There is often little correlation between how important things are to us and how much thought or effort we give to them. We constantly find ourselves wishing we had time for the really important things, wishing there were more hours in the day, wishing life were less complex and wishing we were better at juggling all the things we need to do. Priority balance is intended to help you stop wishing and start changing.

Simplification and Perspective
Why do we let ourselves want so much but get so busy and burdened? When will we learn that the trade of time and freedom for things, money or excess involvement is a bad deal? And when will our society outgrow the rather juvenile notion that big and complex is better than small and simple? We admire the Gandhis of the world, who get rid of everything but their eyeglasses, scripture and loincloth so that they can focus on what is important. We admire them, but we don't emulate them.

To know whether something is worth doing well, ask the three questions, "Will it matter in five years? Do I need it? Can I simplify it?" With the habit of these questions will come some new skills - the skill of discretionary neglect, the skill of selective prioritization, the skill of deciding what not to do, the skill of discerning which things are worth doing well, which things are just barely worth doing, and which things are not worth doing at all. "Adding on," too often complicates our lives and contributes to the loss of self. "Casting off" simplifies our lives and helps us find ourselves.

Concentrate on What's Important
We took all of our children to Mexico one summer and spent weeks in Ajijic, a little mountaintop fishing village high above Guadalajara. I (Linda) was in the midst of writing a book and needed background material and solitude, but the primary reason for the trip was to give the children perspective on the privileged lives they lead.

Because we had no car while we were there, we arranged for horseback transportation. A Mexican man would arrive every third day with eight horses (the smallest two children rode double) and peso signs gleaming in his eyes at such a large account. (It costs approximately $12 to rent eight horses for two hours).

Each time we rode along the beach, we saw the village woman pounding their washing on the rocks, and when we clip-clopped through the village streets, we saw families with ten children in one room. With eyes wide, our children gazed into the eyes of the native children, whose eyes showed reciprocal amazement.

One little 9-year-old Mexican girl visited our condo every day. Too shy to venture in at first, she became braver each day as she watched the children play in the small front yard swimming pool. Neatly dressed in the same blue dress and no shoes, she was always smiling and happy and came day after day to interact with our children (who were not the least bit inhibited by the language barrier). But she turned down all our invitations to go swimming with us. On the last Wednesday before we left, she finally consented to swim. We were all amazed when she jumped into the pool in her blue dress. At that moment we realized that she had no swimming suit or shoes - nothing besides the clothes she wore.

Our leftover food went to her family on the day we left. When we delivered it, we found a happy family in a home with only three walls, and a muddy front yard, occupied by a cow, a pig, and two chickens. When we asked our own 9-year-old what she had learned from our time in Mexico, she said, "That you don't need shoes to be happy."

Unlike the problems of the people in Ajijic, Mexico, the problems of "fast track" Americans do not stem from scarcity or lack of options or challenges. Instead our challenge is whether we can sort out and balance the most important and meaningful things from among all the needs and demands that surround us.

We asked a seminar audience what needs or aspects of their lives they were trying to get in balance. It was like opening a dam. We were trying to make a list on the blackboard, but it was hard to write fast enough.

If we reduce the things we are trying to balance to a small number, we can categorize the important things into a few key areas, and we can increase our chances of achieving balance.

Three Areas of Priority
The easiest number of areas to balance is three. It's relatively easy to juggle three balls, whereas four are many times more difficult.The mind can stay consistently conscious of three areas. With four or more, some are always overlooked or forgotten. A triangle has no opposite corners or side, each is connected to all. A three-legged stool is stable on any rough terrain.

Life balance is best pursued when we create three areas of priority. They are family, work and self. The deepest and truest priorities of life all fit somewhere within these three categories.

Most people quickly accept family as one of the top three priorities. And work is such a necessity for most of us that it is no argument. Women who choose to stay home with small children have the challenging and important career of domestic management as the second of their three "balancing points".

But many people question the third area. Should self be one of the three points on which we balance our day? Doesn't that imply a certain selfishness or self-centeredness? What about service to others? What about prayer or religious commitments? What about civic or community involvements or responsibilities? If viewed correctly, the prioritizing of self does not eliminate these things; it includes them.

Often the best way to serve others is by taking care of ourselves and by changing ourselves for the better. (Ultimately this is the only way, because water cannot be drawn from a dry well.) We don't get to be better parents by changing our kids, or better friends by changing those around us. We become better parents and better friends to better serve others as we grow and develop within ourselves.

And just as we increase our ability to serve others by improving ourselves, so also we enhance ourselves by involving ourselves in service.

A Necessity for Balance
When we ask ourselves, "What do I need today?" The answer, at least part of the time, should have to do with service - "I need to fulfill my civic or religious assignment." "I need to help someone in need." "I need to be needed."

There is a necessity for balance within the third balance point of self. Some days we need something just for our outer or inner selves - such as a nap, some exercise, a little time to read, prayer or meditation. Remember that even very self-serving things can be done with others in mind - doing them will make you a better parent to your children and a better friend to your friends, a better member of the community. Other days our self-priority should be some kind of service, such as making a call to cheer someone up, doing a church assignment or working as a volunteer. Remember that this kind of thing, while aimed at others, is still an important factor.

With this clarification, most people are able to agree that the three priorities of life that require daily thought are the "family," "work" and "self". The first step in obtaining life balance is to spend five minutes each day, before you write down any other plans or think about your schedule, deciding on the single most important thing you can do that day for your family, for your work and for yourself. List these three choose-to-dos before listing any have-to-dos.

Even if you do nothing each day except the three key priority items, in a year you will have accomplished more than 300 specific, clearly thought out things for your family, for self, and for work.

Remember that the key lies not in balancing our time equally between the three balancing points (although each balance point does need some time each day) but in balancing our mental effort. And thinking hard enough to establish one single priority for each day will cause your mind to stay aware of all three areas all day long. By narrowing down and naming the three balancing points, we begin to gain control.

This article has been taken from Success Magazine. It is written by Linda Eyre.

Making the Choice Not to Worry

More damage is done by worrying than by what is being worried about. This is because 90% of all worries never come to pass. Over the years, I have made it a deliberate point not to worry. If something happens at work or at home that would constitute a worry, I have learned to address the potential worry and say, "I'm going to wait to worry." Then when I objectively and realistically address the issue, the "obvious" need for worrying goes away.

For me to enjoy life, remain healthy, and be full of peace, worry cannot be part of my daily routine. I've seen its disastrous effects on the lives of people and their children. Here are a few of the side effects of worrying:

- Self-doubt: It is a downward spiral that focuses on the negative and why things cannot be done versus why things can be done. It is a sinkhole, a debilitating attitude, and a terrible habit.
- Mediocrity: Capable people who worry are rendered incapable of accomplishing their intended goal. Worry makes you peck around on the ground like a chicken when you were intended to soar like an eagle.
- Fright: People who worry are not being cautious or thinking things over; they are simply scared. Running scared is the enemy of success, peace, contentment, happiness, joy, and laughter.
- No spark: The excitement is gone. Worry lets the air out of all you do, draining the fun and excitement from everything.
- No creativity: The freedom to be creative is squelched by worry. You simply cannot excel to your full potential when worry controls your thoughts.
- Improper shaping: You are molded and shaped by your thinking, and worries should not shape your future.
- Hazy results: Those who worry are second-guessing themselves, which produces a hesitancy that brings with it an unclear focus. Such a hazy goal will produce a hazy result.
- Bad habits: Worrying is a habit, the result of preconditioning and years of practice. The destructive habit of worrying turns people into prisoners.
- Physical ailments - The body reacts adversely to internal worries. John Edmund Haggai insightfully stated, "A distraught mind inevitably leads to a deteriorated body."
- Wasted time: Over 90% of what you worry about never comes to pass. To worry is to waste time; therefore, the more you worry, the less you accomplish.

Make the decision for yourself to live life worry-free. It is not only possible, but it is also very enjoyable!

Paul J. Meyer, Success Magazine

10 Steps to Living Confidently

Save money
Financial independence is a vital aspect of self empowerment. When you invest and manage your money wisely you get more money to manage. When you start to earn income from the interest of your invested money you are entering into a position where money no longer controls you. Save at least 10% of your earnings each month. If this is too much to start with, then start with as much as you can. As you increase your savings, you will feel a greater level of self worth which opens you up to be guided by inspiration rather than desperation.

Know where you're going
Clearly define what you would love to do in your life. Don't edit your dreams. If you have a clear road map, its much easier to get somewhere. Your energy soars when you're clear on your aim and direction.

Surround yourself with people that inspire and uplift you
People who think big allow you to expand. You cannot put your hand into a pot of glue without some of it sticking and likewise you cannot interact with inspired people without some of that rubbing off on you.

Affirm the person you would like to become
Affirmations are simply a title for the "things we say to ourself about ourself." Rather than think about who you have always been, start telling yourself who you are today in the present moment. As an example: I am confident, powerful and decisive at all times.

Read, read and read
Whether it be a self help book or a great novel, reading opens your mind and expands your vocabulary. Reading can assist you to speak with poise and confidence.

Count your blessings
Keep a gratitude diary and take note of what you have to be grateful for each day. You will be amazed how this shifts your perspective and actions.

Eat less, eat regularly
Eating too much slows you down and can make you sluggish. Eating moderately at regular times each day assists the body with digestion and optimizes physical function.

Smile
Smiling tends to change your physiology and creates the impression of vibrancy and youthfulness.

Complete things
The more you do simple things and complete them, the better you train yourself to do what you say you will and experience a sense of achievement. Start with a checklist. Give yourself rewards. Ask someone to assist you to be accountable.

Transform your baggage

Many people walk through their lives dragging their emotional baggage because of a misperceived past and events they have never appreciated and loved. Just in case you're carrying any unnecessary loads, I encourage you to do this one new thing now. Make a list of every single thing in your life that you resent, or anything you have never loved - anything you think you made a mistake on, whatever you think you could have done "better". And then go through those items, one by one, and ask yourself, How did it serve me? How did it serve others? Respond to these two questions again and again, until you discover the benefits of these actions and events, and see the balance, the order, and the gifts resulting from them in your life - and in the lives of others.

Dr. Demartini (www.drdemartini.com)

Reclaiming One's Natural State of Health

The following information has been taken from the book Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks. We have chosen to highlight one chapter in particular which provides information on guiding your body through affirmations and visualizations to optimal health.

When to Use This Process:

- When you do not feel well
- When you have been given an unsettling diagnosis
- When you are feeling pain
- When you want to feel more vital
- When you feel a vague fear associated with your body


Do this process while lying in a comfortable place, when you have roughly 15 minutes when you are not likely to be disturbed. Write the following list in a place where it will be easy for you to read, and when you first lie down, read it slowly to yourself. (Say the ones that resonate with your current state.)

- It is natural for my body to be well
- Even if I don't know what to do in order to get better, my body does
- I have trillions of cells with individual Consciousness, and they know how to achieve their individual balance
- When this condition began, I didn't know what I know now
- If I had known then what i know now, this condition couldn't have gotten started
- I don't need to understand the cause of this illness
- I don't need to explain how it is that I'm experiencing this illness
- I have only to gently, eventually, release this illness
- It doesn't matter that it got started, because it's reversing its course right now
- It's natural that it would take some time for my body to best align to my improved thoughts of Well-Being
- There's no hurry about any of this
- My body knows what to do
- Well-Being is natural to me
- My Inner Being is intricately aware of my physical body
- My cells are asking for what they need in order to thrive, and Source Energy is answering those requests
- I'm in very good hands
- I will relax now, to allow communication between my body and my Source
- My only work is to relax and breathe
- I can do that
- I can do that easily

Now lie and focus on your breathing. Your goal is to be as comfortable as possible. You will very likely begin to feel soft, gentle sensations in your body. Smile, and acknowledge that this is Source Energy specifically answering your cellular request. You are now feeling the healing process. Just relax and breathe - and allow it.

If you were experiencing pain when you laid down, follow the same process. However if you were feeling pain, it would be helpful for you to add these words to your written and spoken list:

- This sensation of pain is an indicator that Source is responding to my cellular request for Energy
- This sensation of pain is a wonderful indicator that help is on the way
- I will relax into this sensation of pain because I understand that it's indicating improvement

Now, if you can, drift off to sleep. Smile in your knowledge that All-Is-Well. Breathe and relax - and trust.

The next time you feel any discomfort, stop in the middle of it and say to yourself, "This discomfort that I'm feeling is nothing more than my awareness of resistance. It's time for me to relax and breathe, relax and breathe, relax and breathe." And you can, in seconds, bring yourself back into comfort.

Someone asked us recently, "Is there any limitation to the body's ability to heal?" and we said, None, other than the belief that you hold. And he asked, "Then why aren't people growing new limbs?" And we said, Because no one believes they can.

Anytime you have physical discomfort of any kind, whether you call it emotional or physical pain within your body, it always, always means the same thing: "I have a desire that is summoning Energy, but I have a belief that is not allowing, so I've created resistance in my body." The solution, every single time, to the releasing of discomfort or pain is the relaxation and the reach for the feeling of relief.

Wellness that is being allowed, or the wellness that is being denied, is all about the mind-set, the mood, the attitude, or the practiced thoughts. There is not one exception in any human or beast because you can patch them up again and again, and they will just find another way of reverting back to the natural rhythm of their mind. Treating the body really is about treating the mind. It is all psychosomatic - every bit of it. No exceptions.

Any disease could be healed in a matter of days - any disease - if distraction from it could occur and a different vibration dominate - and the healing time is about how much mix-up there is in all of that, for any malady in your physical body was a lot longer in coming than it takes to release it.

Do you have to think specific positive thoughts about your body in order for it to be the way you want it to be? No. But you have to not think the specific negative thoughts. If you could never again think about your body and, instead, just think pleasant thoughts, your body would reclaim its natural place of wellness.

Almost everybody is looking around and vibrating in response to what they are seeing. So what is the solution? Look around less. Imagine more. Look around less. Imagine more. Until your imagery is the most familiar vibration that you have.

Here is a rule of thumb that will help you: If you believe that something is good, and you do it, it benefits you. If you believe that something is bad, and you do it, it is a very detrimental experience. There is nothing that you can do that is worse for yourself than to do something that you believe is inappropriate, so get clear and happy about whichever choice you make, because it is your contradiction that causes the majority of the contradiction in vibration. Make a decision about what you want, focus your attention there, and find the feeling-place of it - and you are there instantly. There is no reason for you to suffer or struggle your way to or through anything.

How to Have More Energy

What are the most common causes of feeling flat and lethargic?

Distraction and lack of direction in life - Often people carry around so many tasks in their mind that they think they have to do, should have done, could do etc. The mental energy expended just thinking about this never ending to do list can leave you feeling drained, lethargic and completely overwhelmed. In today's fast paced world it is essential we learn how to delegate and not try to take responsibility for everything. I suggest putting this imaginary list on paper, reviewing it and then separate what only you can do from what you know you can give to someone else to do. Once you have done this you will not feel as overwhelmed and immediately more motivated.

To paraphrase David Thoreau, most people are living quite lives of desperation, not invigorating lives of inspiration - not doing what they love nor loving what they do. They aren't grateful so they are putting on the brakes in life and lacking the energy and vitality to live. The body and mind are inseparable in their interactions. We need to be accountable for how our psychology may be affecting our overall health.

Do we lose our energy as we age? If so, why?

I have come to the conclusion that the level of energy one has in life is not so much connected to age or race as it is to state of mind. Naturally when someone is coming to the end of their life and may be more susceptible to disease, they may not have the same reservoir of energy and vitality as someone in their middle ages. But I have seen human dynamos at age 94 to 99 still out do people half their age. The difference was their attitude and zest for life. They found what they love to do and they do it.

Who is most at risk of suffering from a lack of energy?

The people who are in the most risk of 'suffering' a lack of energy are those who do not feel like they are living purposefully; they feel lost, overwhelmed and out of focus. They are scattered and trying to live other people's lives. They are the ones also whose diets and lifestyles are also not all that ideal.

Are there any simple solutions?

1. Know where you are going. Your energy soars when you are clear on your aim and direction in life. When your heart and soul are guiding you energy abounds.
2. Delegate low priority actions to those more suited and inspired to do them.
3. Be thankful. When you are grateful for all that you have rather than dwelling on all that you are lacking, you will discover a very powerful source of energy. Count your blessings daily (Read my earlier book Count Your Blessings - The Healing Power of Gratitude and Love for more insights on the importance of gratitude).
4. Eat moderately. Many people try to perk themselves up by pigging out but this is definitely not the way to do it. It has actually been shown that if you eat less you have an increase in vitality and overall energy. Biological research also shows people who eat less live longer. Walk away from the table a little less full and you will have a lot more spark to do the things you want to do.
5. Eat wholesome nutritious foods - become aware of what you eat. Be sure to "eat to live" not "live to eat".
6. Drink water - lots.
7. Breathe fully and deeply. Use your diaphragm.
8. Connect your vocation with your vacation - if you aren't doing what you love and loving what you do you have the brakes on all the time.
9. Smile. Smiling can change you physiology and make you look up at life.

Dr. Demartini

Total Life Fitness

With all the attention-grabbing and energy-zapping stimuli in the world today, Total Life Fitness and Wellness is the only option. When your physical fitness and wellness systems are not 100%, all areas of life are affected.

From a broader perspective, Total Life Fitness and Wellness involves more than a body fitness program. For example, if our relationship with our partner is off-center, the imbalance would surely affect our energy levels and overall wellness. Similarly when any area our lives are chaotic a fitness program is not going to be sustained. There is wisdom in looking at multiple facets of your life and addressing each area if true Total Life Fitness and Wellness is the aim.

Total Life fitness is achieved when you empower yourself in all seven areas of life, i.e. physical, mental, career, financial, spiritual, familial and social. Any area of your life you have not empowered (gained fitness in) someone else will overpower you in. By dissolving fear and guilt (which disempowers) and awakening gratitude and appreciation for who you are, you will naturally expand fitness in all areas and reach for higher standards. It is from the foundation of total life fitness that you are better able to clarify your purpose, dissolve conflict, raise self-worth and therefore net-worth, enhance immune function, dissolves stress and have a greater sense of strength and power.

The pain of regret fair outweighs the effort of designing your life and committing to your dreams so start working towards total life fitness today.

Dr. Demartini (www.drdemartini.com)